


Unconditional

by TheMadam



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Mommy Issues, Sleepy Cuddles, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:03:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21510742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMadam/pseuds/TheMadam
Summary: L has never been shown affection. You give him a small lesson in comfort.A/n: a... arguable Mommy Kink?
Relationships: L (Death Note)/Reader, L (Death Note)/You
Comments: 13
Kudos: 199





	Unconditional

Having earned the trust of the worlds greatest detective had been no easy feat. Countless hours were poured into video calls. Just a large white screen with the letter 'L' to look at. A jumbled voice for audio. It wasn't like you cared one way or the other initially about meeting him in person. So when the day finally came it really threw you through a loop. He was.... not at all what you were expecting to be quite frank. Tall, lanky, a haunched back, black alert eyes that look like they haven't been shut in years. His hair was also quite the mess, yet he seemed fairly clean. His shirt was rather pristine. His jeans didn't have any stains. You couldn't smell him from a mile away but when you extended your hand to meet his, he did have the faintest scent of laundry detergent, some sort of mens deodorant, and strawberries. That last one was definitely not what you were expecting but you let it be.

From there, working side by side was scarce, yet it happened. Over time, the two of you found yourselves working together quite a lot. Like, a lot a lot. He went from a weird enigma to someone who you could guess when he'd get up to pee. The way he shoved sweets into his gaping maw became a trait you found endearing. It had gone from concerning to mildly sweet (no pun intended). There was still cause for concern over his health, but as it stood it was no longer a shock to the system. 

So then it happened, it was like being hit with a ton of bricks. Not to completely quote Cher Horowitz, but you were totally butt-crazy in love with him. And for awhile you didn't know how to act. Eventually you shoved that shit deep deep down on the inside. This was a serious job after all and you were pretty sure he had no ability to attach himself to anyone. Let alone you. Still, he did ask for your input regularly on this case and he had taken the time to show himself to you. No no, don't let that cloud your judgement. You've seen how serious over his work he is, a love life is not in the picture. That's why, when you finally had that moment, you swore to yourself you'd do everything in your power to protect him. Even at the cost of your life. 

The case had ended and you were packing up your things. Laptop? Check. Chargers? Check. Clothes from yesterday? Check. Everything seemed pretty in order. Wallet, keys, etc... Your room key was securely tucked into said wallet which meant you could get into your room for the evening. Not that you got much sleep since you did enjoy spending time next to L while the two of you worked. It would be a nice change of pace to finally have a full 8 hours. Things had wrapped up nicely and you were ready to be done with this case.

"Well, I think that's all my stuff." You sigh. Man, sleep sounds awesome. You go to head toward the door. You'll have to pass by L as you do so and you're not sure why this compulsion came over you. Just as you walked behind him, you plopped your hand right onto his head. It was something you've wanted to do for awhile. His hair looked just oh so fluffy despite being clearly uncontrollable. Even more out of your control was the urge to give the top of his head a gentle scratch. 

Just as your nails gently scraped his scalp, you watched his shoulders creep up to his ears and his back tense. His head nodded back just a bit due to the contraction of muscles. You note the slight goosebumps at his wrist and immediately withdraw your hand. 

"I'm so sorry." You stutter for a moment.

"I have no idea why I did that and I genuinely apologi-" The way L whips around in his chair cuts you off sharp. His large, obsidian eyes bore into you for what feels like an eternity. You have no idea what to say or how to respond to this. You wait for his cue, thinking he's probably going to kick you out or tell you to never do that again. To your surprise, he does the exact opposite.

"Could you repeat that action?" He asks, his demeanor reminds you of a curious child. Something you've found you view him as quite a lot. You place your things down on the floor and gently extend your hand to him again. His head returns to its previous position expectantly. Almost like an eager cat. 

"Oh... Sure?" You mumble. He's certainly asked stranger things of you. Your hand makes contact with his head and he stares at you as you gently scratch it. You note the mild goosebumps again and his shoulder involuntarily shudders. Your fingers run through his hair, stopping here and there to gently squeeze a clump at the base. Something you know feels absolutely amazing. 

"I have... never felt stimulation like this before." He ponders as his thumb makes its way to his mouth. He seems pretty into it, so you raise your other hand and gauge his reaction. The only response you get is him continuing to stare at you, followed by a soft hum that escapes the back of his throat. You're not even sure if he's aware he's making the sound and it reminds you of a cat purring.

"You never had someone play with your hair before?" You ask incredulously. 

"Never." Is all you get in response. You draw your hands back absentmindedly as you look at him solemnly. 

"Never ever? No one's... ever comforted you by playing with your hair?" 

"I do believe that is what I just said." He states bluntly.

"Mmmm. Not even Watari when you were sick? I mean, he like... raised you, did he not?" He cocks his head at you, a small flash of annoyance behind his eyes but he regains composure quickly.

"No." A silence lingers between you two for a moment. 

"Could you show me more acts of comfort? This is an interesting new experience for me." As the words finish leaving his mouth, your heart clenches. Even as a child? No comfort? No back scratches or soft head pats when you're sick? It seems cold and unfair. So so unfair. 

"I'd... be happy to." Is all you can muster.

"I quite trust you." And that brings a warm smile to your face. It hid how much it hurt you to know this truth about him. You extend your hand to his and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Come, sit next to me on the bed. If you want me to stop at any point, let me know." 

"I will." With that, he takes a seat next to you on the bed and you proceed to rub his head again. More gentle scratches, trailing down the back of his neck, down to his back. He shudders again and makes a soft sound of approval. His always sleepy eyes seem even sleepier. Even if it's an experience you've had before yourself, you know such soft touches are wonderful from someone you care for. You can't imagine how it must feel for the first time ever at this stage in your life. As you gently rake your nails across his back in no particular pattern, just making sure to get everywhere, you decide to break the silence.

"My mom used to scratch my back when I was little." You muse.

"It was mostly to help me sleep, but it's always something she does whenever we get alone time together. My back, my head. She has nice long nails and as a kid I'd always ask for more." He's looking at you with an increasingly more sleepy face. His head is sort of just hanging back as he stares at you.

"Never had that." Is his clipped reply. 

"I know... I'm not bragging, I'm just.." you pause for a moment as you think about what you actually are trying to say.

"I'm just trying to give you an example of when such actions are applicable, I guess." Your hands have flattened against his back now, providing soft circular rubs against it. It occurs to you that this is the most relaxed you've ever seen him and it feels genuine. There's nothing like getting your back scratched to get you there. Especially since this appears to be his first time ever. 

You bring your legs up onto the bed, pausing from the action of scratching his back to prop yourself up directly behind him. L sits up a little straighter, seeming to be slightly alarmed.

"This just gives me a better angle, is all." You murmur near his ear and return your hands back to his head.

"Ok." And with that, you start smoothing his hair back from his face. Long, gentle strokes, letting your finger tips glide down his neck and to his shoulders. Of all the ways you've provided help to L, this is not one you ever saw coming. His breathing is level and even and you almost wonder if he'll actually sleep tonight.

You drop your hands down from his head to his shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. From there, you slide your palms down his arms, leaning into him as you grip his hands. You lace your fingers through his and embrace him for a bit. Whether or not he meant to, his head lulls back just a bit into your shoulder and you give him a gentle squeeze.

At a moments notice he snaps upright, back to being his ridgid self. His thumb makes its way to his mouth as you pull away from him abruptly. Your heart is pounding and you wonder if you've pushed him too far. Perhaps this was wildly inappropriate and you should leave...

"Will you stay in this room tonight?" L has turned himself so he is facing you. The abruptness of it all was jarring and you stammer a bit.

"Uh... I..." He doesn't let you finish.

"I have enjoyed this quite a bit. I've wondered what it would be like to rest next to someone. I promise, I have no intents of anything lewd." He punctuates that last bit with an impish smile. You think he's trying to convey sincerity, but that's still hard for you to read. A blush creeps across your cheeks as you think about it more.

"I understand if this is too forward or uncomfortable for you."

"No. It's uh... it's ok. I wouldn't mind. I've already uh..." You trail off for a moment.

"I would be more than happy to help you." You say definitively. You crawl to the back of the bed, leaning against the headboard as L follows behind you. When you reach the end point, you open your arms for him to lean into. His head rests against your chest. You wrap your arms around him, providing another gentle squeeze as your arms encase him. He reaches his hand up to press his thumb to his mouth. The thought of him sucking his thumb crosses your mind. Again, his manners always come back to a small child and it makes your heart ache. He has spent his whole life groomed to solve murders, but never once given the opportunity to be loved unconditionally. You do know he was a difficult child after some long nights popping in with Watari and engaging in small talk. But still, all humans, adult or otherwise, crave a connection and all you can contemplate is how many times L spent alone. Spent afraid. Wanting comfort but not knowing that's what he was feeling.

You bury your face into his mop of hair and tighten your arms around him. You're not going to let him go until he's ready. His arms encase you and mimick the embrace. At the end of it all, we, as humans, desire to be held. To be cared for in the most instinctual way. There's a reason we crave affection. There's a reason he seeks comfort in sweets. He's been trained to work and only work. While all things are at his whim to engage in, nothing beats the feeling of true, genuine affection. When you break him down to the bare basics, he is not enjoying the sweetness of life. That sweetness is being genuinely cared for. So you are not going to let him go. Not now, not ever. Not until he understands there's someone out there who cares for him unconditionally, much like the love between a mother and child...

**Author's Note:**

> Imagine me, smol goth bby, banging pots and pans yelling loudly: I'm fucking depressed and feeling a type of way and also my gay work husband bought me one drink too many.
> 
> Let me know if the ending feels rushed?? But also, I kind of like it. Idk. Im drunk and super unsatisfied in life rn. Had a long heart to heart with my male gay twin. Ft. I dont think this fic got nearly as much editing as my last few have. Whatever. So long and goodnight.


End file.
